i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
