it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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