if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
