then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
