have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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