is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm sobbing to NWA
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
