It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
