Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
