so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
