Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
