I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize