So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
