last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
