We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
