I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
