Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
