is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You're like the curious george of whores
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
