Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
