My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
