Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
