where am i from again
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
