So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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