Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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