Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
