I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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