If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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