you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
