i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Randomize