Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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