ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
