You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
