maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
