so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Bring me that man meat
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
