Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
