"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He's on the porch naked. Help.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
