talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
