Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
