Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
