I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
