Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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