Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
