She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
