Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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