Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
