party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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