the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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