Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
