I got chris browned last night
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
