instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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