Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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