Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
