I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
