had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
