WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Found the puke drawer
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
