Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
