I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize