i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
