This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
