Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
