ADVERTISEMENT

• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again

  Fav 64 3562 1191

  share tweet
  

• (614): View more from Ohio

  so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

  Fav 83 35243 2056

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (410): View more from Maryland

  I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.

  Fav 13 5155 1240

  share tweet
  

• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.

  Fav 10 5496 1625

  share tweet
  

• (734): View more from Michigan

  I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.

  Fav 14 4719 1318

  share tweet
  

• (217): View more from Illinois

  Did everyone make it back alive?

  (309): View more from Illinois

  You say that with such hope.

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Is that a no?

  Fav 3 3609 1285

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (586): View more from Michigan

  I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.

  Fav 27 1697 1830

  share tweet
  

• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.

  Fav 2 1183 675

  share tweet
  

• (618): View more from Illinois

  He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.

  Fav 16 3224 998

  share tweet
  

• (514): View more from Quebec

  I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.

  Fav 9 918 699

  share tweet
  

• (651): View more from Minnesota

  THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD

  Fav 1 280 433

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.

  Fav 0 289 200

  share tweet
  

• (+61): View more from Australia

  I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.

  Fav 2 14 60

  share tweet
  

• (785): View more from Kansas

  He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex

  Fav 0 60 12

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I see more hoeing in ur future

  Fav 0 60 11

  share tweet
  

Randomize