Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i think my tv is drunk
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
