roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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