i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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