thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
