His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
