Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just want to make out with him forever
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
