:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
