Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize