And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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