why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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