I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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