You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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