i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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