Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
