If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
