if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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