Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize