I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
