Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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