Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
