Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
