guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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