so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's shark week go big or go home
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
