I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dick very happy bro
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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