I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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