Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize