she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
