Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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