Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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