My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
