Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
