just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
