I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
