I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
