I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
