Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
