If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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