I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
