First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
