How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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