I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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